Shifting Old Patterns of Communication
“Communication is one of the most important parts of relationships.”
It can determine whether a relationship deepens into intimacy and blossoms into love, or whether that relationship crashes and burns with resentments, unspoken truths, and misunderstandings.
This isn't only true for romantic relationships — it also goes for friendships as well.
Today, I'm going to share with you about how to foster, build, and grow a healthy pattern of communication with your friendships and relationships.
First, let's understand your past cycles of communication that didn't work for you — that possibly ended a friendship or relationship in a place of pain, misunderstanding, and wounding.
Then, we'll talk about how to clear these past patterns and create healthy communication and relationship dynamics!
3 Steps to Shift Old Patterns of Communication
STEP ONE:
✨ MAP YOUR PAST PATTERN ✨
What exactly is your past pattern?
If you could map it out in a circle, what would it look like?
For example:
I meet a friend and we start getting close.
We have fun and share amazing memories together.
Over time, I start to notice little things about this friend that bother me. They're not a big deal, so I brush it off and keep it to myself.
This friend continues more and more to do little things that upset me. I'm afraid of conflict and don't want to risk our friendship, so I don't say anything, and tell myself it's not a big deal.
Years pass by and my unspoken truths become resentments. Everything my friend does continues to prove to me that my opinions and observations about them are right.
The resentment builds and builds and builds, until one day, one last little straw breaks the camel's back.
I explode in rage, speaking my truth to them. I share everything I've been holding back over the course of our relationship, all at once. My emotions are STRONG. My truth comes out in a way that likely hurts or surprises them, because they had no idea I was holding all of this in. They might have some things they want to share with me, too.
The friendship becomes distant, changes, fizzles out, or ends.
I'm left with a feeling of sadness in my heart. I never quite heal or resolve this past friendship, but life goes on, so I begin manifesting a new friendship.
I meet a friend and we start getting close. (Although there might be some changes, the cycle repeats!)
Whatever your pattern is, map it out completely, step by step.
STEP TWO:
✨ REFLECT ON WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED ✨
While studying your past pattern, what stands out to you? What could you have done differently? What are you choosing to learn and change from this moment on?
Make note of this in your journal, talk to close friends about it, bring it to your therapist, and do the deep work necessary to really learn from the experience and integrate it into your relationships moving forward.
For example:
I choose to vulnerably, compassionately, and courageously voice my truth — even around the smallest things, and even when it terrifies me.
I choose to break the generational pattern of women in my lineage not speaking their truth.
I choose to actively work on my fear of confrontation.
I choose to learn how to regulate my nervous system, so that in times that the fear of confrontation arises, I can self-regulate and come into my center.
I choose to see communication as an opportunity to create deeper intimacy. I choose to lean into challenging conversations, holding the intention that it will ultimately bring us closer to love, truth, and connection.
I choose to identify and heal the wound beneath this old pattern, so that I can break free from this cycle and manifest joyful, clear, healthy relationships.
In communicating with vulnerability, curiosity and courage you have the power to shift these old relationship dynamics.
Remember that communication is a two-way street. It's not only you speaking your truth, but also choosing to approach the conversation from a place of curiosity — seeking to understand the other person's experience, emotions, and perspective.
Rather than approaching a conversation from the place where you think someone must be right, and the other person must be wrong, remember that you can both have equally valid experiences from your individual perspectives.
Conversations, confrontation, and truth-telling are not a place to prove yourself or “win.” It can be a place to learn about yourself, learn about the other, and grow, heal, and evolve together.
What if conversations that previously made you nervous or resulted in disaster, could be transformed?
What if these conversations could bring you closer to each other, or closer to your own sacred journey of trusting your voice and speaking your truth?
“In communicating with vulnerability, curiosity and courage you have the power to shift these old relationship dynamics.”
STEP THREE:
✨ REWIRE PATTERNS WITH COMPASSION ✨
Compassion means relating to what the other person is going through.
Compassion is a spiritual practice that is often a very active CHOICE, especially in situations where we would usually go down the old neural pathway route into the tendency to judge.
To find deeper compassion in a conversation, you might ask that person deeper questions to seek to understand more about their experience.
You might imagine putting yourself in their shoes and thinking:
“That could have been me. If I had all the same life experiences they've been through, I could be feeling and thinking the exact same.”
For me, CURIOSITY is key to unlocking deeper intimacy and transforming old patterns of judgment.
The moment curiosity dies in a friendship or a relationship is the moment your mind and your heart close.
Without curiosity, you have cemented your idea of who you believe that person is.
At that point, when that person speaks, you can't even hear what they're saying.
You're then relating to a stagnant version of who you THINK that person is. In other words, your projection of who you THINK they are, is stopping you from seeing who they really are in that moment.
When you are closed off to that person's truth and perspective, or you see them as unable to change, your relationship dynamic with them cannot change. You are sending that relationship to the grave.
When you are open and curious to hear about that person's experience, their emotions, and their heart's truth, then you can see them for who they truly are in that moment.
You can embody compassion and empathy, and grow in your understanding of this unique soul, and why they came into your life.
Then, and only then, will you be able to receive the lesson and learnings the Universe is trying to send you through this person.
Then, and only then, does your relationship become evolutionary… and past patterns can be transformed.
Are you ready to break past patterns, HEAL past wounds from unresolved relationships, and manifest incredible soul-level friendships that nourish you?
Interested in Learning more?
Do you ever hold yourself back from your full expression because of what other women are doing, or what other women will think?
Have women ever come after you for shining?
For being too bright?
For being “too much”?
Are you ready to heal the feminine shadow patterns of comparison, competition, and jealousy — within yourself, your friendships, and your lineage?
If the answer is YES…
This is for you. Get the collection.
It’s time to Heal the Sister Wound.
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